To the gaggle of coeds I drove home this weekend:

Did you think I wouldn’t notice your friend tossed her cookies in my back seat? I mean, you could have said something. A simple “I’m sorry.” would have been nice.

I hope you can explain to mom and dad what the $150.00 Uber cleaning fee is on your credit card.

Here is one parting thought. If you drink so much that your body reacts violently, maybe the party was over an hour or two before the drinking stopped.