“If you’re going to drive drunk, do it when it’s snowing!”

My adamant and intoxicated passenger offered his sage advice as I navigated the three inches of newly fallen snow. On worn tires, I slid into the next intersection and ignored the red and white octagon on the curb.

“Yep, if you have to drive drunk, it’s OK if it’snowin’ like tooonite. If there’s snow on the ground:

  • The police are already busy around town with other idiots.
  • If you do go by one, they can’t tell if you’re in your lane or not, so it’s OK if your car wanders around a little.
  • You can go as fast or as slow as you want.
  • You can slide through the stop signs, and they won’t stop you, cuz everybody’s doing it.”

The hard lessons of eternal bar-room wisdom is always funniest at 3:00 AM.